Kathy Acker
"The Birth of the Wild Heart"

[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ]

Sing oh body for you are the lord, the lord lives in you. Sing of the forests, the pale smell of the pines, the whispers that are every where, between the branches, the carpet richer than anywhere in the world. Sing of coming upon streams you don't expect, the sudden sunlight when it's been dark and gloomy and the deer, knowing no human would ever come here, nibble freely on those branches. A sudden mist of gray 2 silver foxes chasing each other thro trees in the barely visible distance. When you come into the sun, all of you opens up and then there's water, the lake that meets the small ridges of sand at the bottom of the thick carpet floor. Different kinds of animal shit lie everywhere. Remember that time, one of your most precious memories, where the trees bowed to you and said "You are now the princess." "Oh no" you said "Not yet." "Well you will be," they replied, "you most learn to Indian dance." They arranged themselves in 2 lines so you walked with your hips swaying, you the Indian princess, down the wide path between them and then, for the moment, you came to the end of the path. Sing.

Why do you deprive the body? The body wants sex, that is its joy, not namby pamby little holier-than-thou - but joy full and in the face. The kind that overturns consciousness - what we think is the soul.

486-1586 - Dr Gene Enfield
79 Harley

American, as they say. What does that mean? I kick butt with the best of them. I can't hold myself in. Not sex, not anyway. The wild heart.

I fell in love with her from the start. I fell in love with all of them. I get into lots of trouble.

Father get out of me right now. You left me. So what was I supposed to do? You threw me out of paradise. You had set up the paradise. You said "I don't want you with me" and then you said "don't go away" and then when I tried to protect myself by going away, cause I want to live, I really really want to live and more than that I want to be in wonder to dwell there I have tasted delight and once you've tasted delight you never want anything else I tasted delight when I was free of you - I was in the forest - take your fucking balls and place them where they belong. So you got angry at me for trying to protect myself: the territory you were still allowing me to trod on, a mainly sexual territory, you withdrew. We weren't going to fuck anymore even tho there had been nothing wrong with the sex. That had been the best I was allowed to go on taking care of you, staying up all night to work with you thro your psychological problems, if we talked about you we didn't quarrel: most of all your gratitude looked to my blind eyes like love. I was your mommy I was allowed to keep on knowing you allowed allowed aloud - you called all the shots; tho language was yours. When I went away to earn money, you broke up with me. Finally I fought against you daddy: I kept phacing me and you agreed you felt something for me! I couldn't bear to have you desert me, that's all you do, I can't bear the reality that is not present reality. As if descending stairs, a series of increasing rejections: finally there was no future, no past. For your wife demanded a mutual divorce: you were tangled up in memories of her. You no longer saw me.

This is what I think happened at the end, to insure that you'd get me out of your life, you rescued a bottle of water that had fallen in a polluted canal and left the bottle in my kitchen. "There's nothing wrong with canal wastes" you said. I forgot the bottle was there, then drank out of it. We both knew that for me to do anything that would compromise my health was dangerous. You didn't have the guts to tell me to get out of your life. I still didn't want to get the message. I can't even give a name to the state-of-being-without-you. I would do anything not to be there. Before I was born, I don't remember, my father left me and I had only my mother who thought he had left her because she was pregnant with me. Our father who beginneth all things I will not collude with you I will not die.

[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ]